So it’s been awhile. Again.
We’re in full swing of the holiday season. I usually like this time of year. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t like winter, but I enjoy the holiday season. This year has been different. I’ve got a lot going on. Mostly I’m sad. And lonely. I want the holidays and winter to be over. I want to sink into the ground and turn into dirt and maybe grow some flowers in the spring and let go of everything. Such limitations we have as humans.
This is a weird post, but I wanted to write. I want to update this space. I want to be consistent, and I haven’t been. Tale as old as time.
Writing continues to be really difficult for me. I attempted a writing challenge in November and I didn’t manage to hit my goal. It’s disheartening. I feel like I try so hard and am just running into a wall, my feet scrambling while I go nowhere.
When I was a teenager, I wrote a lot of poetry to help me get out and express some of my sadness. I was an incredibly depressed teen, and honestly I’m a depressed adult as well, it’s just a different kind of depression animal to deal with. But the past few days I’ve found these bits of poetry worming their way into my brain. It’s weird; it’s been a long time since poetry has come to be in that way. I’ve been making sure to take notes of everything that comes to me, terrified to lose track of any of it. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to flesh it all out and do something substantial with it.
In the meantimes, here’s a bit of it…
There is blood on my hands
It slips down my arms
Thick like honey